Swipe Strategy
Don’t Swipe Right… Swipe Correct!
The dating app world has made it easy to find someone for just about everyone. That’s good news, right? Regardless of size, race, gender, age, sexual orientation, or hobbies, there is someone out there for you.
Because humans are visual creatures, we make most decisions based on a first impression. That’s why almost every dating app out there prompts you to make a decision about someone based on their appearance. (And their profile… somewhat.)
Like him? Swipe right.
Don’t like him? Swipe left. He’s gone. Buh-bye.
Which brings us to Swipe Strategy. With the millions of people on these dating platforms, you need a solid plan to find what you’re looking for.
Should you swipe right or left on this person?
Ah, if only the answer were easy.
Actually, it is easy if you think of it this way…
There Two Swipers
There are basically two types of swipers. Some people choose to “swipe right and organize later.” This means you swipe right on everyone you find even remotely attractive (about half the people), then sort and decide what action to take later.
This is cool if you’re a “let’s see what happens” type of person.
That’s one way to do it, and it seems logical.
However…
Data Matters
Dating apps use your swipe history to learn more about you. Behind the scenes, the app uses artificial intelligence to find your potential matches, based on your swipes.
So when you indiscriminately swipe right, the app will deliver broad (less targeted) results to you.
If you want to go on a lot of dates, make new friends, and “just see what happens”, then the “swipe right and organize later” strategy could be right for you.
But if you’re looking for “the one” or a “long-term relationship” then consider a “rule out” strategy. Simply put, you want to weed out as many people as possible.
This is when your *Target on the Wall* worksheet and exercise (from Module 3) comes in handy.
Here’s a quick exercise. Yay, homework!
Grab a highlighter and highlight the adjectives, descriptive words, and phrases from your Target worksheet.
Now, go over to the margins and make a list of some similar words or phrases.
Keep this list of synonyms in mind when you’re swiping through the app’s suggestions. Do you see these words and phrases coming up in profiles?
Based on his profile, what do you have in common?
Is there anything that jumps out at you as a reason to swipe left?
If you spot any red flags just swipe left.
Here are some examples of reasons to swipe left: political extremism that makes you uncomfortable, doesn’t like children and you have children, he’s allergic to cats and you have 3 cats.
These are pretty obvious ones, and there are tons more examples, but you get the gist.
And don’t forget that itchy feeling in your gut. Always trust your gut.
If you can’t find a reason to “swipe left” on a guy, then (and only then) “swipe right.”
Give the app’s artificial intelligence a week or so to “learn” more about you and what you’re looking for in a potential match.
If after a week or two, it feels like you’re not getting enough “right swipes”, then consider being less picky on your “left swipes”, or moving on to a different dating app.
There are plenty of apps in the sea. Check out our app roundup for the down-low on the most popular dating apps.
Beyond the Swipe
I don’t want you to get stuck in “swipe mode.” I mean, swiping can be fun, even addictive. But the reason you’re doing this whole app dating thing is that you actually want to … have conversations… and hopefully, when the time is right, meet up in person. * (More in this in a future module.)
Even if you’ve only been swiping for a day or two, don’t be afraid to take the next step and initiate contact. Send some dudes a message!
The Bumble app even makes “ladies go first” a requirement. But even if you choose to go with another dating app, remember, there are a lot of women out there who will just sit there and wait.
One way to stand out from the crowd is to make the first move. Lots of guys find it cool and sexy when the woman confidently starts the conversation.
More on Mindset and Confidence:
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Very few people hit a home run their first time at bat. You miss a hundred percent of the swings you don’t take. (Sorry, I’m a dude, so dripping with sports analogies over here… but you get my point.)
What happens if you message a guy and he doesn’t respond? Don’t take it personally. There are a lot of reasons a guy might not respond to your message on a dating app.
Here are a few:
- ) He didn’t properly configure the app’s notification settings. Womp womp. That’s totally out of your control. Swipe his ass left and move on. His loss.
- ) Work or personal emergency. Maybe somebody he works with left their job and he had to take on a heavier workload. Perhaps he or someone in his family got violently ill and he hasn’t gotten around to checking in with the app and responding to messages. You can’t stress out about this kind of thing. Just move on.
- ) He saw your message and isn’t interested in responding for some reason.
- ) He found “the one” and is no longer looking. Good for him!
None of these have anything to do with you. This is a numbers game. If you want to win, you have to play. It’s that simple.
Action Steps:
- ) Go ahead and select two dating apps (not just one) that appeal to you.
- ) Create your profile and start swiping!
- ) Make a “schedule” and check in on your responses a few times per week. (Some apps require you to respond to messages within 24 hours, so stay on top of that.)
- ) Don’t obsess over your online dating search or let it take over your life. How much time will you spend on this per day or week? Give yourself a time limit and stick with it. Keep up with your usual hobbies and activities.
